Leading Transformation Face to Face in the Information Age

It’s the people stuff that really sucks the life right out of me.  I’ve just been through a week that started with an email on Monday (note to self:  Don’t read email on your day off!) from a church member that began this way:  “Although it saddens me to write this, I feel compelled to share my feelings.”  The attached document was filled with anger about the way an HR issue was being handled and assumptions and accusations that were incorrect and frankly, just mean-spirited.  It was sent not only to me, but to another staff member, the chair of the Personnel Team and the clerk of session.  Game on.  Now the rest of the week would be devoted to conversations and meetings to process what had been done and said and to attempt to bring reconciliation and resolution.  Did I mention that it’s the people stuff that really sucks the life right out of me?

I have two rules for email that I’ve stolen (er…borrowed…) from Stan.  “Email is for information and for affirmation.”  Email is great for giving or getting data:  What time the meeting is or who said they would bring soup and who’s bringing the salad.  It’s also fine for giving an atta-girl or an atta-boy.  But that’s it.  Anything else, pick up the phone, or better yet, get face to face.  When there are powerful negative emotions involved, it’s even more important to get face to face.  But email makes it so easy to hit and run that it’s become the weapon of choice for those who want to criticize, condemn, and complain without having their opinion or complaint challenged in any way.  And the collateral damage relationally can take hours to resolve or heal.

When leading transformation in a congregation, it’s almost guaranteed that somebody—perhaps several somebodies—will be upset, hurt, offended, or just plain angry about some of the changes we plan.  And you’ll probably get an email like the one I got last week.  When I get an email like this, I just refuse to play, if I can. I don’t mean that I ignore it, but I do resist the urge, strong though it may be, to just fire back my own version of the issue. I immediately contact the person and attempt to get face to face with them so that the issue can be (hopefully) quickly resolved.  Very often, there has been some kind of misunderstanding which can be put right.

Fortunately, I was able to persuade the writer of the email to meet face to face with me and the chair of Personnel within a few days of his note.  We did the best we could to respond to his concerns, apologize for anything we did to create the misunderstanding and hurt feelings, and ask for forgiveness.  The meeting was also a good chance to remind us all that the best way to communicate hurt feelings, anger, and frustration is in person, rather than through email.  At our session meeting next week, I’ll be reminding our leadership team about my email rules:  information and affirmation ONLY.

Yes, it’s harder to share feelings and opinions in person that you know have the potential to lead to conflict or disappointment, but we must operate this way.  God says we belong to one another. (Rom. 12:5)  As difficult as the “people stuff” is sometimes, ministry is all about people.  So let us take to heart Paul's words to the church at Ephesus in the first century—for surely they are written also to our churches wherever they may be in the 21^st century.  

Let us live (and email!) “with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, making every effort to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.” (Eph. 4:2-3, NRSV)

In Christ - Kathi Busch